Saturday, February 25, 2006
Jokes to keep you awake! LOL...
> > 1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window
> > 2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor. 1st thief : Hurry! this is
> > no time for superstitions.
> > --------------------------------------------------
> > Girl : Do you love me ?
> > Boy : Yes Dear
> > Girl : Would you die for me ?
> > Boy : No, mine is undying love
> > --------------------------------------------------
> > Man : How old is your father ?
> > Boy : As old as me
> > Man : How can that be ?
> > Boy : He became a father only when I was born
> > --------------------------------------------------
> > Waiter : I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg. Customer
> > : Don't tell me your problems. Give me the menu card.
> > ------------------------------------------
> > Teacher: Simon, your composition on "My Dog" is
> > exactly the same as your brother's. Did u copy his?
> > Simon: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
> > --------------------------------------------------
> > Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you
> anything!
> > Son : That's why I say she's no good!
> > --------------------------------------------------
> > Manager : Sorry, but I can't give u a job. I don't need much
> >help.
> > Job Applicant: That's all right. In fact, I'm just the right
> >person
> in
> > this case. You see, I won't be of much help anyway!
> > --------------------------------------------------
> > Teacher: "How do u think Shakespeare wrote such masterpieces?"
> > College student: "With a pencil, maam, either a 2B or not 2B."
> > ---------------------------------------------------
> > "Mum, teacher was asking me today if I have any
> > brothers or sisters who will be coming to school." "That's nice of
> her to
> > take such an interest, dear. What did she say when u told her u are
> the
> > only child?" "She just said, 'Thank goodness!'"
> > ---------------------------------------------------
> > Teacher: "Where were u born?"
> > Student: "Singapore, Sir."
> > Teacher: "Which part?"
> > Student: "All of me, Sir."
> > ----------------------------------------------------
> > Teacher: "Chong, u missed school last Friday."
> > Chong : "You're wrong, Sir."
> > Teacher: "Wrong, how is that?"
> > Chong : "I was absent, yes but I certainly didn't miss it!"
> > ----------------------------------------------------
> > A teacher was asking her class: "What is the difference between
> >'unlawful'
> > and 'illegal'?" Only one hand shot up.
> > "Ok, answer, Joan," said the teacher.
> > "'unlawful' is when u do something the law doesn't
> > allow and 'illegal is a sick eagle."
> > ---------------------------------------------------
> > Doctor : I have some bad news and some very bad
> > news.
> > Patient : Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
> > Doctor : The lab called with your test results. They said you have
> >24
> > hours to live.
> > Patient : 24 hours! That's terrible!! What could be
> > worse? What's the very bad news?
> > Doctor : I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.
> > -----------------------------------------------------
> > Patient : I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here?
> > Doctor : You've had an accident involving a train.
> > Patient : What happened?
> > Doctor : Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would
> you
> > like to hear first?
> > Patient : Well... The bad news first ...
> > Doctor : Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate
> > both
> of
> > them.
> > Patient : That's terrible! What's the good news?
> > Doctor: There's a guy in the next ward who made a
> > very good offer on your slippers.
> > -----------------------------------------------------
> > Patient : How much to have this tooth pulled?
> > Dentist : $90.00.
> > Patient : $90.00 for just a few minutes work???
> > Dentist : I can extract it very slowly if you like.
> > -----------------------------------------------------
> > Teacher : "How come you do not comb your hair?"
> > Ah Kow : "No comb, Sir."
> > Teacher : "Use your dad's then."
> > Ah Kow : "No hair, Sir."
> > ----------------------------------------------------
> > A boy came home from school with his exam results.
> > "What did u get?" asked his father.
> > "My marks are under water," said the boy.
> > "What do u mean 'under water'?"
> > "They are all below 'C' level"
> > 2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor. 1st thief : Hurry! this is
> > no time for superstitions.
> > --------------------------------------------------
> > Girl : Do you love me ?
> > Boy : Yes Dear
> > Girl : Would you die for me ?
> > Boy : No, mine is undying love
> > --------------------------------------------------
> > Man : How old is your father ?
> > Boy : As old as me
> > Man : How can that be ?
> > Boy : He became a father only when I was born
> > --------------------------------------------------
> > Waiter : I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg. Customer
> > : Don't tell me your problems. Give me the menu card.
> > ------------------------------------------
> > Teacher: Simon, your composition on "My Dog" is
> > exactly the same as your brother's. Did u copy his?
> > Simon: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
> > --------------------------------------------------
> > Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you
> anything!
> > Son : That's why I say she's no good!
> > --------------------------------------------------
> > Manager : Sorry, but I can't give u a job. I don't need much
> >help.
> > Job Applicant: That's all right. In fact, I'm just the right
> >person
> in
> > this case. You see, I won't be of much help anyway!
> > --------------------------------------------------
> > Teacher: "How do u think Shakespeare wrote such masterpieces?"
> > College student: "With a pencil, maam, either a 2B or not 2B."
> > ---------------------------------------------------
> > "Mum, teacher was asking me today if I have any
> > brothers or sisters who will be coming to school." "That's nice of
> her to
> > take such an interest, dear. What did she say when u told her u are
> the
> > only child?" "She just said, 'Thank goodness!'"
> > ---------------------------------------------------
> > Teacher: "Where were u born?"
> > Student: "Singapore, Sir."
> > Teacher: "Which part?"
> > Student: "All of me, Sir."
> > ----------------------------------------------------
> > Teacher: "Chong, u missed school last Friday."
> > Chong : "You're wrong, Sir."
> > Teacher: "Wrong, how is that?"
> > Chong : "I was absent, yes but I certainly didn't miss it!"
> > ----------------------------------------------------
> > A teacher was asking her class: "What is the difference between
> >'unlawful'
> > and 'illegal'?" Only one hand shot up.
> > "Ok, answer, Joan," said the teacher.
> > "'unlawful' is when u do something the law doesn't
> > allow and 'illegal is a sick eagle."
> > ---------------------------------------------------
> > Doctor : I have some bad news and some very bad
> > news.
> > Patient : Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
> > Doctor : The lab called with your test results. They said you have
> >24
> > hours to live.
> > Patient : 24 hours! That's terrible!! What could be
> > worse? What's the very bad news?
> > Doctor : I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.
> > -----------------------------------------------------
> > Patient : I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here?
> > Doctor : You've had an accident involving a train.
> > Patient : What happened?
> > Doctor : Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would
> you
> > like to hear first?
> > Patient : Well... The bad news first ...
> > Doctor : Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate
> > both
> of
> > them.
> > Patient : That's terrible! What's the good news?
> > Doctor: There's a guy in the next ward who made a
> > very good offer on your slippers.
> > -----------------------------------------------------
> > Patient : How much to have this tooth pulled?
> > Dentist : $90.00.
> > Patient : $90.00 for just a few minutes work???
> > Dentist : I can extract it very slowly if you like.
> > -----------------------------------------------------
> > Teacher : "How come you do not comb your hair?"
> > Ah Kow : "No comb, Sir."
> > Teacher : "Use your dad's then."
> > Ah Kow : "No hair, Sir."
> > ----------------------------------------------------
> > A boy came home from school with his exam results.
> > "What did u get?" asked his father.
> > "My marks are under water," said the boy.
> > "What do u mean 'under water'?"
> > "They are all below 'C' level"